jO beKKE meets enoby  The Epic Battle for Cannon
by iamnotjudge
Summary: Two new arrivals at Hogwarts spark a war over the world of Harry Potter.  Who will win?  The biased Southernor or the demonic goff?  Does cannon have a chance for survival? jO bekke at HUgwRts crossover with My Immortal.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I was struck with this idea. Ebony meets Jo bekke meets cannon. Basically ebony and jo bekle come to Hogwarts… They fight for control. The final battle will begin! Yeah… That sounded lame. The worst fanfiction characters ever fight over Hogwarts. Goffs vs. surthurnurs! I'm putting up a pole to see who you think should win! Very interesting things ensue. This basically is just a generic year at Hogwarts, no specific year. And there's a bit of other fanfiction parody in here too. So as always, here we go!_

**Chapter 1: The Arrival ~ Part One**

"Did you here?"

"What?"

"Who?"

"Two of them?"

Hogwarts had been buzzing with news. Apparently two new arrivals were coming to the school.

"So," Hermione said," looking up from her book, "When are they coming."

Harry and Ron, who were playing a game of chess, looked up. "We thought you knew," Ron said.

Hermione rolled her eyes and set her book down. "Honestly, I don't know _everything_!"

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and then laughed. "What?" she exclaimed.

"At least you admit it," Ron chuckled.

"I heard that!" Hermione said, playfully shoving him.

"Did somebody ask when that new girl is getting here?" Lavender Brown said, coming up behind them. 

"I did," Hermione said.

"Well I heard that she arrived tonight, and was sorted into Gryffindor."

"But aren't there two of them," Harry asked.

"I heard the other got sorted to Slytherin."

"How did you find this out?" Hermione asked, skeptically.

"Well _someone's _got to know these things," Lavender said, "Otherwise the author can't make this story go anywhere!"

"So you're just a plot piece?" Ron asked.

"Pretty much."

"I hate being in fanfiction," Harry muttered.

Then they heard a loud voice coming from outside the portrait hole, "Wat do u meen da paswurd iznt YANKEES SUK!111111111111?"

"What?" Hermione exclaimed.

"do u knoe hoo I em?...::" the voice came again.

"That must be the new student..." Harry said.

Finally the portrait swung open, "Go annoy them, I'm sick of you!"

"I didn't think the fat lady was supposed to do that," Ron said, "Nest time, I'll just annoy her."

Of course, Ron didn't realize quite how annoying this girl could be.

She had long blonde hair and sparkly blue eyes. She waved a hand through her hair (no doubt so that she wouldn't trip on it), and captured the attention of several boys eyes. Until…

"IM JO BELKE POTER!111111111111 (Harry's face turned a ghastly color) And IF UR A NURTHHURNUR DEN U SUK, gwet ote ov her!"

"Excuse me," one student said.

"OR IF UR gae or blak or aneething other then me!111111111"

"Well I never," Hermione said.

Jo belke turned 2 them, "DONULD," she cried.

The trio looked at each other, since when did Gryffindor have a Donald?

She rushed at them, "I LURVBE U DONULD," she screamed. Then she wrapped her arms around him and began kissing him ferociously.

"Ah!" he yelled pushing her off.

"But darrel!11111111"

"How is she speaking in grammatical errors?" Hermione wondered aloud, forgetting to be annoyed that another girl had just kissed Ron.

"I'm not any Darryl or Donald!" Ron cried.

"NOOOoo!11111111111 ur mi bf!1111"

Ron jumped back as she tried to kiss him again.

"_Excuse _me," Hermione scowled, crossing her arms.

"HARMONEE!111111 ur lik, mi biggist fan rite!111111"

"I've never met you before in my life!" Hermione screamed.

"Who are you anyway," Harry said.

She turned to him, "HO CULD U nut no me im ur sister JO BEKKE PUTTER!1111111111111111111"

"I don't have a sister!" 

"w8," jo bekke said, "wat happnd 2 ur awsum surthurn axnts?"

"We're from England!" 

"Ya, but wer in surturn egland!11111"

"No dear," Hermione said, "We're not."

"Ugh, I knoe donuld relly luvs me!" she chased him out of the common room.

"We should go help Do- I mean Ron," Harry said.

Hermione nodded, and they followed jo bekke (or whatever her name is).

_A/N: Hope you liked it! Next up: Enoby arrives in the Slytherin common room!_


	2. Chapter 2

_An: Sorry this took me so long. I attribute this to school work and AVPM! Which I just started watching, and have fall in love with! Hope you enjoy!_

**Chapter 2: The Arrival ~ Part Two**

"Pansy, I don't care," Draco said.

"But isn't a bit odd?"

"Sure." 

"You're not even listening to me!"

"I told you I didn't care, Pansy!"

Pansy made some sort of noise that sounded like 'hmph'. She crossed her arms, and took her head off Draco's lap.

"Why aren't you listening to me?" she whined.

He rolled his eyes, but was saved the trouble of responding by someone bursting through the portrait hole.

The girl who had just walked through the portrait hole was quite a character (Haha, geddit?), they could tell before she said a word.

"What…?"

The girl in question had long black hair, and very odd highlights. She was adorned in American muggle clothing, and had cuts all over her body.

She had about seven black shark tooth earrings in her ears. One of the more friendly Slytherins, who unfortunately was in a lighter colored shirt, went up to her, "Hi, welcome to Slytherin."

"OMG r u a prep?" she screamed.

"Excuse me?"

"my nam is ebony dark'ness raven way! I hate preps and posers."

"I'm, not sure what a prep is…" she said slowly.

But Ebony had already lost interest in her. She had found interest in Draco and Pansy.

"Omf wat ar you ddoin with MY bf, nd draco why are you not warin those hot topic cloze I gav u?"

She jumped passively on him.

Draco hopped up, muttering, "Filthy mudblood!"

"btu draaaco!" 

Pansy slapped Ebony in the face.

"Wat, u stupid pozer, bi da way wer on vampire and blood'y mary and all mi other goffik frends." 

Pansy snarled, "What a freak! There's no one named Vampire or Bloody Mary in Slytherin. Or Hogwarts, as far as I know!"

"Ugh u stupid prep!11"

"Oh my word," Draco said.

"Draco, ho cold u not remember me?"

"I've never met you!"

"Of curs u hav!111"

"No I haven't you filthy mudlood!"

"but darCO!111 I already arangd sum group kuttin sessuns!1"

She slowly pushed him onto the couch and tried to kiss him. "Ah!" he yelped, jumping over it falling onto the floor.

She jumped over the couch and he rolled over to avoid her. "Crab, Goyle," he huffed, "help!"

They managed to push her off of him. But she was relentless. She leapt at him, viciously trying to rip off his clothes. He dashed out of the Slytherin common room.

_A/N: Next time: Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco meet at night in Hogwarts, while being stalked by jo nbelk and evony. _


End file.
